There are many different ways to describe the human condition, but few capture it quite as succinctly as the Buddhist concept of “self-avoidance.” Essentially, this refers to when we attempt to sidestep challenging aspects of our own character, other people, and life in general. Self-avoidance is a sneaky trap that lurks in all of us. It shows up when we try to avoid things that make us uncomfortable.
It shows up when we pretend something isn’t important because it’s scary or hard. Or when we convince ourselves that something doesn’t exist because it hurts us or challenges our beliefs. Spiritual bypassing is essentially self-avoidance on steroids, a way of pretending that certain important things don’t exist as a way to protect ourselves from them. This article explains what spiritual bypassing is and how you can recognize if you or somebody you know might be falling into this trap.
What is Spiritual Bypassing?
The term “bypassing” is used in psychology to describe a coping mechanism people use to avoid negative feelings. The idea is that, instead of facing the unpleasant feelings, we try to leap over or bypass them so that we can avoid feeling them. Bypassing is a subtle process that creeps up on us, often without us realizing it. It happens when we try to solve problems by ignoring them or refusing to acknowledge them. When perceptions are blocked or when we refuse to experience certain aspects of ourselves and our lives. When we refuse to accept who we are and how others are. Bypassing is essentially an attempt to avoid pain through various forms of denial and avoidance. It is often rooted in fear and driven by the need for control.
The Problem with Spiritual Bypassing
It’s easy to see how spiritual bypassing can become a problem, but it can be harder to recognize it in our own lives. For many people, spirituality is a way to find comfort and meaning in life. It’s a part of who they are and how they live their lives. For others, though, spirituality is a way to escape and avoid. It’s a way to avoid confronting the messy and painful parts of ourselves and our lives. Spiritual bypassing can be dangerous because it can cause you to ignore serious issues in your life. It can cause you to focus on what you want to see or what you want to believe, even if it isn’t true.
It can cause you to go down paths that aren’t helpful and actually make your life worse. Bypassing can cause you to ignore your emotions and needs. It can cause you to ignore the needs of others around you and the needs of the world. It can cause you to repress parts of yourself and your experiences that are real and valid. Bypassing can also make you blind to your own biases, prejudices, and shortcomings. You can claim you have all the answers when you don’t. You can become a spiritual bully and send the message that you are better than others.
What Does Spiritual Bypassing Look Like?
1. It looks like ignoring the darker or messier aspects of your own character or those of others.
2. It looks like coming up with an easy solution to a problem and refusing to acknowledge other, harder, but potentially more helpful ways of dealing with it.
3. It looks like hiding from your emotions, needs, and desires.
4. It looks like being rigid in your beliefs and refusing to consider other points of view.
5. It looks like being too focused on what you want to see and believe, rather than what is actually true.
6. It looks like being overly focused on spiritual or religious concepts and using them to justify your own shortcomings.
7. It looks like being afraid to get help or to be vulnerable around others.
8. It looks like rejecting yourself for who you are and focusing too much on changing yourself.
Warning Signs of Spiritual Bypassing in Your Life
1. You find yourself focusing on your idea of what a good person should be. You may also find yourself judging others based on this standard.
2. You find yourself overly focused on spiritual or religious ideas, while ignoring the real needs of yourself and others.- You find yourself afraid to get help or to be vulnerable around others.
3. You find yourself trying to solve problems by ignoring them or refusing to acknowledge them.
4. You find yourself coming up with an easy solution to a problem and refusing to acknowledge other, harder, but potentially more helpful ways to deal with it.
5. You find yourself ignoring the darker or messier aspects of your own character or those of others.
6. You find yourself judging others based on a standard that you don’t apply to yourself.
7. You find yourself too focused on what you want to see and believe, rather than what is actually true.
Ways to Tell if You’re Using Spirituality as a Form of Self-Avoidance
1. You find yourself judging others based on a standard that you don’t apply to yourself.
2. You are overly focused on finding the perfect spiritual solution to your problems.
3. You find yourself afraid to get help or to be vulnerable around others.
4. You find yourself trying to solve problems by ignoring them or refusing to acknowledge them.
5. You find yourself focusing on your idea of what a good person should be. You may also find yourself judging others based on this standard.
6. You find yourself ignoring the darker or messier aspects of your own character or those of others.
7. You find yourself being overly focused on spiritual or religious ideas, while ignoring the real needs of yourself and others.
8. You find yourself hiding from your emotions, needs, and desires.
9. You find yourself too focused on what you want to see and believe, rather than what is actually true.
Conclusion
Most people want to live meaningful, fulfilling lives and feel good about themselves. The problem is that it can be easy to fall into the trap of spiritual bypassing. It can be easy to become so focused on what we want to see, believe, and achieve that we forget to deal with the messy reality of life. We can become so focused on what we want to accomplish that we ignore the things that are holding us back. We can become so intent on finding spiritual perfection that we discard all our human flaws. We can become so driven to prove ourselves that we forget to be kind and compassionate to others. We can become so focused on finding the answers that we miss out on the process of asking good questions. But if we’re careful, we can avoid this trap. We can learn to balance our need to focus on what we want with an acceptance of what we have. We can focus on the things that are actually true, not just the things that we want to be true. We can find a way to be both ambitious and human at the same time.